Whalers vs Exiles 18/05/03

Exiles 354 (three hundred and fifty four) for 4; Whalers 103 all out

Hmmmm, less said about this one the better. Excuses ranging from the standard (“lost on the way to the home ground” – Gibbo), to the faintly plausible (“our email system was down all week so you didn’t get the message saying I couldn’t play” – Piers), to the late and frankly ridiculous (“I had to clean the house” – Richie W), meant that the only muscles being warmed up pre-match were the skipper’s fingers as he frantically dialled round south London looking for that elusive 10th man. And that was about as good as it got all day.

Aided by the kind of short boundary normally only seen in under-9s cricket, a true pitch, and the standard clutch of dropped chances, the Whalers bowling attack was cudgelled off the park – to be honest, given that they were 230 for 0 off 25 overs, we did well to keep them below 400. Not that we bowled all that badly, but we were just made to look very silly indeed, especially by their number 1 who racked up a mere 165. Things were so bad that Big Al was brought on to slow down the scoring rate (words I never thought I would see in the same sentence) for the relatively creditable figures of 3-63 plus a host of dropped skyers. Bonus points too to Andy Nelson for bravely abandoning the delights of a Sunday afternoon in B&Q with the missus and trundling down to Dulwich to field for the last 5 overs – less credit for stating the bleeding obvious on arrival that, with the oppo 300+ and still going strong, we weren’t doing very well…

Unfortunately, things weren’t much better when we batted either. Chasing 9 an over, at halfway we’d scored about 40 for 6 wickets down. Only the new-found batting talent of Ed Kirkness (last season’s record with the bat a princely 2*, 0, and 0) who top-scored with 37, and the reliability of Mr Extras got us past 100, before a few ungainly heaves brought the welcome respite of the pub and the chance to tot up both the fines and the unwanted Whalers records. Surely cricket doesn’t get any more painful than this???

Our man in Nairobi

Man of the Match: any of their lot, Paul Mildon (respectable bowling figures)
Champagne moment: Ed’s sixes
Muppet moment: “Mine!!” – Ollie’s 30-yard sprint with the gloves only to miss the ball completely


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